Matt's J0urn4l

yo

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 17:05:11 GMT

Hey wasssup peeps, yesterday was chill. I got to hang out with ma girl after I finally found her. I fucking walked all over the place trying to meet up with her, but no luck. I went back home and played some counter-strike, and she called me. So I was like aight there she is, so we met at the dewey house and walked back. My mom was home so that was sorta poopy, but oh well we chilled, played Halo 2, and listened to music. Then we went to friendly's and to see the grudge with raquel and her parents. It was a good movie, but wasn't scary at all. I was laughing through most of it, and raquel and tinia where twitching out. Then we went home and shit, and I watched another movie, and then went to bed. Today I wake up and to my great suprise, CRADLE OF FEAR FINISHED DOWNLOADING. I'm pumped. I wanna see that so bad. So that's it for now, wheeee.

wheee

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 21:44:50 GMT

Hey everyone, wassup?
Just checking in and shit, here's updates. I'm going out with Tinia again. I shouldn't have broken up with her to begin with, she's always been here for me. That's what I need, I couldn't be happier. I just wish her parents would go along with it. Hey I'm a good boy.. *insert angel thinger here*. Anyways, yeah besides that everything has been pretty chill, being at home is boring, nothing to do. I'm almost out of smokes... FUCK. I need to get a new pack somehow. I got Diablo 2 yesterday, it's pretty cool. Yeah I really don't know what to write here, so yeah I'm done.

Hmm

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 21:25:09 GMT

Ok tinia wants me to update, so I'm gunna try. Lets see here what to say, I'm getting over crystal. I miss her and shit but I'm also very angry at her, and upset. I have mixed emotions right now. Me and tinia are getting closer again, and I'm happy we are. I'm so sorry I ever hurt her. Hmm, my parents found out I smoke and they don't care really about it, and they won't take my shit so all I gotta do is go outside to have a smoke and they won't bother me so that's cool. What else, hmm this week has been really boring nothing to do at all. Hopefully I can hang out with tinia this weekend, I really wanna see her. Maybe some alone time lol. I'm doing shitty in school, but what's new :-/

bleh

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 00:49:28 GMT

I find it hard to believe that I still care so much about Crystal. Even after she told me today that she has a new boyfriend, also named Matt. Apparently she planned on dumping me for him, which I'm pretty upset. I guess I'm glad there isn't any alcohol around, or I would be jugging it again. I have so many mixed feelings right now, I want her happy, but I'm jealous, and upset with her. I wish things where back to the way they where. I wish that me and Crystal could have worked out. I mean if she doesn't have those feelings for me, I guess there's nothing I can do. It was like a good dream that I never wanted to wake out of. Even though she hurt me so much, I'll be there for her always. I'll be the bestest friend I can for her. Maybe sometime she'll realize how much I care about her, and stuck by her. I'd do anything for this girl, which some might find stupid considering the fact that she dumped me, but yeah. She gave me the happiest month or so of my life, and I guess I should be grateful. I just wish it lasted.

omfg

Sat, 30 Oct 2004 21:14:27 GMT

Wow, yesterday was the worst day of my entire life. Crystal broke up with me, my life, my love, my everything BROKE UP WITH ME. I really don't get it.. why did she do it, what did I do, I'm so fucking upset it's not funny. Yesterday I almost killed myself. I drank 3 quarters of a large bottle of scotch in 20 min, and I was picked up by an ambulence and hospitalized for 6 hours, while feeding fluids into me through a needle. My heart has been crushed, my life broken. I loved this girl so much, and she was taken away from me. I don't know if I can stand this, god... god..

Bleh

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 15:20:16 GMT

Hey, I guess I'll update a little. On Saturday, I was at Six Flags with Crystal and her two bros. They're cool. I had such a great time, went on almost all the rides. Got to be with Crystal, which made me very very happy. We walked around, hanged out, played games, ate food, wasted 40 bucks ><. Shared about 6 cigs with Crystal, and um I just had so much fun. I care about Crystal sooo much. She means EVERYTHING to me. I'm so unbelievably happy with her. I think about her 24/7, I just want to be with her all the time, I miss her so much when I'm alone. I feel like part of me is missing. To all the people who where/ or still are trying to break us up. STOP TRYING RIGHT NOW. What's it going to do for you? huh? Nothing! You want me to be dead? Just mind your own fucking business, and let us be happy. Anyways.. yeah on sunday I went over Tinia's for a bit, chilled there, talked with her dad, went to platerpus and got the new Otep cd. It's alright, cept a little too political and shit, but oh well. Anyways, that's all.

damn people

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 01:10:03 GMT

Okies, time to talk. Today was sorta ok, till like lunch. Chewbacca hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek saying she loves me while I was eating lunch. I told Crystal, she got pretty pissed, she really wanted to beat chewwy to a living pulp. I can see why too, it's not like I wanted her to do it. So I got upset cause she was. I don't like it when she's mad. Would everyone just fucking back off? I'm serious, be my friend and shit, don't try to piss off my gf. That's not being a friend. Stop talking shit, just stop it. Either be happy for me, or just fucking don't say anything about it. OK?!?

Word

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 01:13:48 GMT

Ok, to talks about today. I went to school, I felt a little dizzy later on in the day but other than that it was ok. Some senior is after me now cause we where just fooling around and he threw a marker at me and it marked my pants, so I took revenge and made a nice swipe with two red markers on his pants. He flipped out saying blah blah they're ruined! I'm like dude chill out. He's like better watch your back and shit =0. At the end of the day, me and Crystal gots a ride with Ron to the Library. We chilled there for a little bit, she checked her mail and took some polls. Then I called me house and left a message saying I was at the library. Then we went to the bank, and Crystal got some mula. Then we walked to the gas station where Crystal bought her phone card thingie for minutes. It wasn't working supposingly. The lady got it to work, and I bought a huge ass pen. Then we walked to Fuckin' Gonuts, and I gots a donut and a dew, and she got a latte or whatever it's called and like a bagel thingie. We ate that, then we left and I called my daddio again. Then we went to burger king, chilled there for a bit, put in an application to work there, maybe I'll get in. We shared a large fries. Yumm. Then walked back to the library, sat in some beanbag chairs and chilled for a bit. Then I saw the time and was like oh shit I gots to go do my paper route :(. So I walked home and did that, and then I went on my computer and was like bored. And that's my day!

Argh blahdelbah

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 01:12:39 GMT

Heyas, matt signing on. Lets see what shall I talk about, school today was ok. It was really cold this morning, and I was having fights with my mom so I was a little pissed. I saw crystal though, and she always makes me happy. At the end of school we where supposed to go to the mall, so she walked with me to my dad's work. He brought us to my house, she got a little tour, then we played "tommy hawks" according to my dad. lol. It was actually pretty fun, then we did my paper route. My dad wouldn't let me go to the mall with her. I was really pissed. I wanted to go so bad! So we brought crystal to the bank after my paper route. It was closed, she needed money so I gave her some. Then we dropper her off by the bus stop. I was happy I got to see her. My dad likes her, so it's all good. I can't wait to see her tommorow again. I hate how people talk shit about her, it pisses me off. Just cut it out. God Damn.

idk

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 01:18:05 GMT

Heyas, It's sorta late and I'm going to update my journal thingie. Lets see here, today was ok. Sorta. Chewbacca grabbed my ass again today, it's getting on my nerves. She also just... argh. And at lunch people where saying how crystal's a bitch. WELL SHE ISN'T. GOD DAMN. I mean really, wouldn't you be a little upset if someone grabbed your bf's/gf's ass? I mean god. I don't know what the fuss is with everyone. People get over it. Anyways, besides that. I walked around westfield a bit, went to Tinia's and hanged for a bit. Just sat around. Then went home ate supper, etc. Tommorow I might be going to the mall with Crystal. I really really hope I can. It'd be sweet. Not much else to say, so later.

eep

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 18:43:57 GMT

Hmm so for today. Ok I went to school and shit. Me and Crystal switched sweaters in the morning. I wore the sweater during gym, lol it was this sweater with cat ears on the the hoodie so I put the hood up during gym. I was cat boy! It was fun. The rest of school was pretty boring. People in my science class still say that I'm on pot. One kid wants to kill me lol. Hmm, what else. Um after school ron gave me a ride and I saw Tinia and Raquel walking home lol I was like haha, now they gotta walk. Oh and I saw flip while riding home too.. it was funny as hell he was looking in the trash and shit and like jumping around like an idiot. lol. I'm really going to miss Crystal this weekend, I can't wait to see her again. She means everything to me. I'm writing this on 3 shots of vodka so bare with me, I feel a little buzzed lol. Tommorow I might go to this concert thingie, or go to a paintball thing with ron. idk what I'm going to do. Anyways, that's me day, I'm bored as hell and a lil drunk. Lata.

to moo or not to moo?

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 21:00:06 GMT

Ok time to update after a while. Lets see what can I talk about, hmm school work is boring. I got hit by a huge ass puddle yesterday while walking home. Dumbasses rode right into the puddle by the sidewalk at like 50 and a fucking tidlewave hit me and a few others lol. Hmm what else, people thought I was on pot in science today. Um, Tinia seems to be a little better with me. People are trying to break me and Crystal up.. well too bad ain't happening. Nothing can break us apart.. except us. Ok, uh now Amanda likes boys.. well josh. Weird. Taylor screwed some 13 year old lol. Hmm... ok I guess that's it for now. I'm so fucking bored!

Yooo

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 21:58:22 GMT

Heyy time to update. Lets see here, on saturday night I went to the movies with Tinia, her mom, her sis, and raquel. We went to see The Forgotten. Good movie. I liked seeing raquel flinch a lot, it was funny as hell. I couldn't stop shaking.. first my hand.. then my leg.. like w t f mates? I felt like I was having a seizure or something. After that we went to Tinia's house, chilled with the coolest dad eva lol, played video games, listened to crappy music lol. It was really fun, better than just sitting at home. I wish I didn't had to go, I was having fun! The today, I went to my dad's work picnic, it was pretty fun but raquel didn't go cause she's lazy. So I was alll alone. I found the girl with red hair there and her bf I guess, she poked me.. she fucking called me alex! like how rude! Then we came home, mom's mad at me cause I don't believe in jesus. blah blah blah blah..

Wheee

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 18:24:17 GMT

Hey, I'm updating again. Me and Chrystal are together now. I feel really happy with her. It seems right. I don't give 3 fucks what people say about her, you have no reason to talk shit about her. You don't know her. I'm now an asshole, as some people have said. Tinia and Taylor kissed last night, and well I find that kind of disgusting (lol). Whatever floats their boats. I just want Tinia happy. She loves me, but she calls me an asshole. I don't get it. I know I've hurt her, but that's in the past. Lets keep it there. Anyways, what else to say about today... hmm it was pretty cool, I talked to the duck in the morning. He's still a freak, lol. Today was pretty boring, Taylor is glaring at me. I told christal the shit she's been saying about her, because she deserves to know. I don't care if she's mad at me. In gym we had to do gay shit like trying to do group stands.. with fat kids who fucking couldn't lift themselves off the ground. I got my ass sticker. Hmm, what else.... nothing that I can think of right now. Ok bye bye.

bleh

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 00:17:17 GMT

Wow, the weekend is sooo boring! I have like nothing to do! I just sat on my ass all this weekend, doing absolutley nothing on the computer. Vallery kept on calling me, lol. Uh I talked to Tinia, she seems alright. She might go out with Taylor again, lol. Um, I talked to chrystal on saturday night, I was happy! What else, hmm nothing much. I got into Six Feet Under. They rock. Oh, and I can't wait to get back to school tommorow and be with my friends! I guess that's enough for now.

bleh

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 01:17:14 GMT

Today was pretty shitty! Except for some highlights. The bad news.. I broke up with Tinia. I just couldn't live the lie! I didn't like her the way she liked me, and it just wasn't working for me. I know it hurt her when she read that note, but I had to tell her. Things would only get worse. Anyways, a lot of her/my friends are upset with me, she's crying and upset. They're making me feel bad for what I did. I like chrystal, she likes me. I had fun with her today, and I don't give a shit what people say about her! I talked with tinia a little bit and she's a little bit calmer. I don't know why but I can't get chrystal out of my head, and I'm so bored right now!

Meow?

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 21:52:49 GMT

Ok now for today's events! I got to school, and like I saw people. They where around like singing around it like in the grinch! Then I went to class, and sat. Oh and like almost all my classes where boring! And I couldn't sleep very much last night, and so I slept a lot during class. Hmm what else to say oh my friend let me drive his standard.. It was hard as hell! Ok now to add on! Um what else did we do today, oh yes we played that stupid tunnels and rounders game.. not fun! lol I kept on going to the back of the line saying I already kicked.. I'm so good! Oh yes, after gym Tinia waited for me! whoo! that was nice =D At lunch some girls where flirting with me... lol. Vallery was one of them... lol she said I hope Tinia doesn't get mad or something to that effect lol.

Shibbidy Shibbidy Doo

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 19:30:36 GMT

Hey what's up mortals who read this piece of shit people call a live journal. Ok what to say... I went to school this morning, and like I saw people in the hall ways.. I was a walking zombie. Oh and first period we had a test.. easy... oh and I could hardly finish it cause my eyes wouldn't stay open.. the paper was blurry and weird. Oh and then I had gym, had to play this gay ass game where you step on these stones (blocks of wood) and only that, and you had to get to the other side of the sidewalk thingie or something.. oh and the sidewalk was water.. can't touch it. But I did anyways, because I'm god and I can walk on water.

Ok what next to say... oooh I saw my beautiful Tinia after gym.. hug hug.. yep! Oh and the rest of the day was boring.. at lunch I sat with chelsea and her weird friend who is way too hyper and weird for my liking. Hmm what else.. oh yeah I wanted to fall alseep during math but I said I'll wait untill study next period.. so I slept that period. Then last period was borrriiinnggg and long. Oh oh then I saw raquel complaining about trench coats in the hall.. then Tinia came and we went to my locker and I opened it on the first try! Go me! Then I had to walk to my dad's work cause no one was there to give me a damn ride.. so I walked there and sat in his truck and listened to the radio.. Then I came home, and my dad opened up a beer he bought and went downstairs to do something .. I was like BEER! I drank half the can and went in my room and took a mint.. And now I'm here.

....

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 16:04:01 GMT

I'm fucking crying my eyes out right now and I never cry. I wish I could die. I wish someone could understand I wish I knew what I could do.

Moody

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 15:39:18 GMT

I just woke up, and I'm really not sure what I'm doing still. It's too much for me to take, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I want everyone to be happy. I wish that I could just make everyone happy.

ARGHHHH

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 04:47:56 GMT

I'm so confused right now. The past few months, I met this girl online, on a game. We where together a lot, and we soon fell in love. I love her.We said we'd never be apart from each other, and that we would always love each other. Then I went back to school after the summer. A few days later I found out that a friend that I met through a website, and also goes to my school likes me! I was like ok, but I'm not going to let it get to me. Then I guess she told her friend about me, and she found me on this site that I met the other girl at. Anyways, we seem to have a lot in common. I think both girls have shit in common with me. She likes me too. The problem is that they both like me, they're best friends. Like sisters, and they both want me. So does the girl I met a few months back on the game. Anyways, I have feelings for all of them, but I knew the girl from the game first. Two of them live near me, one doesn't. Me and Tinia (girl's friend) talked a lot online, and we really did seem to hit it off more, I don't know why. Maybe Raquel didn't talk to me as much, I don't know. But I still have feelings for the girl from the game, and for raquel, and for Tinia. But somehow it just all fit into place like it was supposed to happen, and I feel happy, but I'm also in a deep depression. But I'm also sad and confused, raquel is going off the deep end, she's cutting more and more and wants to kill herself. Raquel and Tinia aren't friends anymore it seems, and the girl I met online she's coming online less and less because of school and I really miss her. She still loves me, Raquel loves me. Tinia loves me, but I have feelings for all of them still. I'm tearing apart inside right now. I can't stop thinking about them. I just need some help or reassuarance. I'm really not sure what to do. I hope you all read this and understand. I don't know what to do. I WISH I COULD JUST DISAPPEAR.